This is satire—but it a real life analysis of the WOKE, radical, cancel culture, hate America society we live in. If you have any folks you believe should receive a “Meth Award”, please add it in the comment section of the article.
I would add Gavin Newsom for salesman of the year for both U-Haul and hair gel.
How about Traveler of the Year to John Kerry for going via private jet to denounce those that use private jets,
Finally, Mayor Pete is awarded anti-Transportation Secretary of the Year for his efforts to protect poorly maintained trained, spending billion on electric vehicles and buses, so the electric grid could break down—and for making sure airlines could not leave or arrive in a timely matter—if they get off the ground at all.
Meth Honors Awards by Richard Eber
Richard Eber, Exclusive to the California Political News and Views, 8/3/23 www.capoliticalreview.com
It is well documented, homelessness and crime have both been major factors in San Francisco’s declining tourist trade.
Given present conditions, their Chamber of Commerce and Visitors & Convention Bureau sponsored the Meth Honors Awards for 2023. It took place in a locale previously called “Bagdad by the Bay”.
Replacing Median Columbia to be host for this prestigious event was an easy task, despite the streets of San Francisco being more dangerous than the drug capital of South America. Luckily the food and lodging accommodations made up for this in the City by the Bay.
Mayor Breed declared San Francisco to be a Junkie Sanctuary City. This required no changes in current government policies other than offering convention attendees with free drugs and lifetime needle exchange privileges. The theme for this year was “Two chickens in every pot, a government sponsored shooting gallery on each block.”
Breed defended hosting this event promoting illegal drugs by saying “Those coming to Meth Honors will pay for their own Hotel and food expenses. This is more than you can say for the homeless who we take off the streets to live in luxury accommodations such as the Fairmont.”
And so this prestigious gathering took place last week with drug traffickers and consumers congregated in the drug infested Tenderloin to celebrate their achievements. In making his introductory remarks, Governor Newsom proudly stated:
“The current deteriorating conditions in San Francisco should not discourage merchants, businesses, and residents of our great city. There is no doubt in my mind the meth trade is a growing industry that will expand exponentially over the years. Wealthy drug addicts will more than replace convention goers and straight tourists who once flocked to the place I proudly served as mayor.”
London Breed thanked the governor for his kind words in saying, “This awards show is a shinning example of diversity, inclusion, and freedom, young people crave so much in opposing Donald Trump along with his Mega Republican followers.”
After a fitting tribute toJimmy Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Heath Ledger, Chris Farley, John Belushi, Michael Jackson, and many others, the awards were dispensed.
Winners included:
Pablo Escobar Lifetime Achievement Award: Bestowed to noted farmer Juan Valdez, who switched from growing Mountain Grown Columbian coffee beans to cultivating CoCo plants for the local Drug Cartel. In his acceptance speech Valdez said “Making this change proved to be lucrative for my family although I missed having an illicit affair with Folgers spokesperson Mrs. Olson.”
Smuggler of the year: Chinese President Xi Jinping was the unanimous choice for this high honor. The leader of China has successfully raised drug addiction levels in the United States by shipping chemicals to the Drug Cartel in Mexico. These ingredients are used in manufacturing fentanyl and other opiated drugs. These goods are easily shipped across the porous US Southern border. Both Xi Jinping’s country the Mexican Cartel, and Hunter Biden, have made a fortune on this silk road. What a triumph?
George Soros District Attorney of the Year: (winner recalled SF D.A. Chesa Boudin) This was a real difficult category for the panel of judges, as there were so many worthy candidates to choose from. Between Alvin Bragg, Jose Garza, Diana Becton, George Gascon, and others,Sorus gave millions to each of their campaigns. Eliminating cash bail for dangerous felons, non-prosecution of illegal aliens, reducing penalties for ship lifting and disregard for victims of crime, are but a few of Sorus’s achievements electing Progressive prosecutors.
Fear and Loathing in Los Vegas Award: With Hunter Thomas unable to make the live presentation, his former dealer appeared to hand over the coveted Golden Crack Pipe to Hunter Biden. In accepting this honor via video chat, the President’s son enquired if he could exchange his award for a model bearing the Presidential seal? Hunter quipped “You never know when one needs to impress a prospective client.” Were the late famed Gonzo Journalist able to witness this spectacle, Thompson might have repeated his immortal words,” When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.”
Best New Drug of the year: Narcon, which helps save lives of fentanyl, meth, heroin and other opioids, was the surprise winner. The judges applauded the thousands of lives Narcon saves each year. The amount of money that the cartel makes on repeat offenders and relapses comes to millions of dollars each year.
Chef’s Choice Recipe of the year: The honor went to Vice President Kamala Harris. Her Word Salad speech’s, have confused everyone from the White House to Ron Popeil, of “Set it and forget it” fame. As of yet no one has been able to figure out Harris’s mixture of incomplete sentences, pronoun misuse, gender confusion, and other grammatical errors involved with basic composition. Even the editor of High Times threw in the towel complaining “It’s impossible to figure out Harris as there is so much nonsense and stupidity involved with the VP”
Harvey Weinstein MVP of the Century: Now that the famed movie producer is no longer with us, no suitable prizes are available for the MVP (Most Valuable Pervert) winner.Hunter Biden was again victorious over challenges by pornographer Anthony Weiner and Larry Craig whose “wide stance” in the men’s restroom cost him his Idaho Senate seat in 2008.
Bill of Rights Award: Joe Biden received this honor because he will never have to take the 5Th Amendment to avoid self-incrimination. When asked a difficult question such as his business dealings with Hunter, Joe doesn’t remember. Given his mental facilities, who might doubt him?
Man of the Year: Secretary of Homeland Security Alejandro Mayorkas was the runaway winner. His accomplishments as border Chief included his agency allowing over 1 million illegal aliens from crossing our borders each year. He opposed all of the effective policies that Donald Trump had in place including the border wall. Let’s not forget the porous boundary with Mexico that makes it easier for smugglers to cheaply import fentanyl. Even the guys who work under Mayorkas think their boss is about on the same competence level as President Biden.
That ain’t saying much.
