Sunday is an unofficial American Holiday. The last Kansas City Chiefs game, to get them into the Super Bowl, had 55 million people watching. The game on Sunday will have many more than that. It you call anybody during the game you will not get the call picked up. As for me, starting at 3:00pm, unless there is a family emergency, my phone will not be answered.
Here are two of the best:
“2. A Constitutional Amendment needs to be considered banning sideline reporters (especially bleached blonds) from asking stupid questions of football coaches. As Congress is unable to pass meaningful immigration legislation, at least they can assist avoid viewing this painful spectacle. Should sideline reporters remain, their expertise should be limited to analyzing which team wins the pregame coin toss.
3. Wagering at Superbowl parties is a must. Lucky squares that totally depend on chance are a great idea. In doing this commissions earned by bookies can be curtailed. Sucker bets such as which player scores the first touchdown or how many inches of Taylor Swift’s cleavage is on display, are to be avoided.”
Oh, the NFL has declared we are no longer one nation, indivisible. Nope these football WOKE billionaires have declared we are TWO nations—No, not Kansas and California. Instead they will play before the game starts TWO NATIONAL ANTHEMS. One the United States National Anthem—and then the “Black” National Anthem. Yup, the NFL has gone full KKK—taking black people out of the U.S.
A Non-Nanny State football guide by Richard Eber
Richard Eber, Exclusive to the California Political News and Views, 2/9/24 www.capoliticalnewsandviews.com
The lyrics of Steely Dan’s classic song Deacon Blues, advise us to “Drink scotch whiskey all night long and die behind the wheel.” Short of having a traffic accident, it is recommended Superbowl viewers adapt the groups gung-ho approach.
In civilian terms this means having a good time watching the 49ers vs the Chiefs game February 11th. To hell with social norms emanating from experts ranging from Dr. Phil to the staff of NPR.
As the point spread is so close, trying to determine the victor is next to impossible. In making this weighty decision it is hoped comparisons between Kansas City (God) vs San Francisco (Sodom and Gomorrah) can be avoided.
If not, wagering in favor of the “City by the Bay” might prove difficult.
It is best to impose a blackout from viewing pre-game shows. Listening to a collection of Jocks and so-called experts trying to be funny is a difficult task to endure. Partaking in an instant replay of paint drying is more interesting.
Hopefully, party goers will duck these proceedings by consuming large quantities of guacamole and corn chips. Drinking a couple of beers helps as well.
Below is a Superbowl viewing guide to enhance sports fans enjoyment of the big game.
1. Even if it might be “Spare the air day”, a special exemption is to be granted by the football Gods. This allows use of charcoal burning coals for Superbowl Sunday. Nanny laws, rules, and regulations should be given a bye, even in Progressive California.
2. A Constitutional Amendment needs to be considered banning sideline reporters (especially bleached blonds) from asking stupid questions of football coaches. As Congress is unable to pass meaningful immigration legislation, at least they can assist avoid viewing this painful spectacle. Should sideline reporters remain, their expertise should be limited to analyzing which team wins the pregame coin toss.
3. Wagering at Superbowl parties is a must. Lucky squares that totally depend on chance are a great idea. In doing this commissions earned by bookies can be curtailed. Sucker bets such as which player scores the first touchdown or how many inches of Taylor Swift’s cleavage is on display, are to be avoided.
4. Designated drivers should not be encouraged. This is one date where everyone parties. This includes partaking in unlimited alcoholic beverages and selected smoking preferences. Suitable arrangements to allow several hours for drivers to sober up prior to returning home are highly recommended. If this is not possible, Uber or Lyft transport services are just a text message away.
5. Consumption of Bud Lite is to be curtailed. This has nothing to do with what Transgender social influencers might think. This beer tastes so awful, only underage drinkers might think it’s cool to consume this disgusting beverage.
6. Vegetarians are to be given the day off as well. Their solemn vow to not consume meat products needs to be ignored on Superbowl Sunday. Further to this edict, it is OK for those of the Jewish and Islamic faiths to eat Brats containing pork products. Practitioners of the Hindu religion is also given a gate pass to allow consumption of unlimited double bacon cheeseburgers.
7. Even Mormons are entitled to drink alcoholic beverages providing there are no other members of the faith to oversee them at Superbowl parties.
8. A truce is to be put in place between Progressive Democrats and the GOP this Sunday. No mention should be made of Mega Republicans residing in the “Basket of Deplorables”. The same holds true for Democrats insisting concern for Climate Change is more important than football.
9. Blaming Donald Trump for the success or failure of your team is not to be tolerated. Even if Progressives believe he is allegedly responsible for interceptions, fumbles, and blocked punts, of both squads, the former President has nothing to with for what transpires after kick-off.
10.The same holds true for the possible involvement of Joe Biden determining the outcome of the game. Trying to apply Bidenomics to the point spread or much anything else makes no sense at any level.
BONUS RECOMMENDATION
Praying to God for one team to be the victor is to be avoided. Four out of five theologians, (with the exception in San Francisco and Kansas City,) believe God has better things to do than determining the outcome of a sporting match. It is suggested any fans who disagree with this analysis, attend early Sunday morning prayer services.
A news black-out is required to be put in place from Gavin Newsom appearing on network T.V. Regardless of who triumphs on the field, he plans to impose a new tax to support physiological counseling for illegal aliens and low-income fans whose team is on the losing end.
Even as a 49er faithful, this game is filled with uncertainty for me. Unlike most halftime shows for the Superbowl, I haven’t a clue of what to expect from Usher’s performance. My pop culture exposure apparently ended prior to the R&B artist’s rise to prominence.
Throw in 7 million dollars per 30 second commercials along with the football game itself, we have a party going on!
