The CDC is an affiliate of the Democrat Party. It has declared “racism” a health emergency. It listened to politicians about closing the country, social distancing, closing of churches and schools—whether to wear a masks or pay attention to the science which says masks are worthless.
Now, in this satire the CDC goes further. If wearing a worthless mask outside should be mandated, or that those who have taken the vaccine must still wear a mask and be social distanced, then why not, to be safe, have folks wear seat belts when NOT in a car?
Think about it. You are walking in a park and kids come up to you and without thinking, run into to you. A seat belt would provide as much protection as a mask would—so why no mandate seat belts in the grocery store, on the job and while walking around the community. This is as smart and scientifically based as masks and social distancing.
CDC Now Recommends Wearing A Seat Belt Even When You’re Outside The Car
BabylonBee.com, 4/28/21
ATLANTA, GA—The CDC has issued brand new recommendations regarding the wearing of seat belts. Health experts there are now recommending people wear a seat belt, even when outside the car.
“This guidance is especially important if you’re in a large group of people at the park or an outdoor event,” said Dr. Stiku Pumybum. “Risk of collisions leading to bone breaks or concussions dramatically increase in large groups of people. Billions could die!”
When pressed regarding what gives the CDC authority to comment on seat belt usage, they clarified that these were simply recommendations based on the latest scientific research, for the sake of public health. When further asked how exactly a seat belt that’s not anchored to anything can protect anyone, they replied with a statement saying “SHUT UP IT’S SCIENCE!”
The Federal Government has responded with a nationwide seat belt order for all public parks, buildings, and sidewalks.
“I don’t know what’s so hard about this,” said Biden as his aides handed him a juice box and tightened his 5-point harness. “Just wear the dang seatbelt folks!”
Bob’s Quality Seat Belt Company concurred with the CDC findings and confirmed that new “outdoor seatbelts” are now on sale for $59.99.
What a deal!
