Schools are “open”. That does not mean education will happen. Government schools have become indoctrination camps, where math is denounced as racist, doing homework proves you are white and junk science is promoted so freedom and good health is harmed. Here are some things to look for. While this appears to be satire, it is not. The Governor of Oregon just signed a bill, for real, that says to get a high school diploma you do NOT have to b able to READ, Do MATH or show proficiency in ANY subject. That sounds like satire—but it really happened.
“-A brown paper bag: This should be used to cover your child’s head if they’re white.
-Bricks and Molotovs for the anti-school-choice protest their teacher is organizing: Make sure your kid is prepared for the most important life skill: protesting!
-A coffin, since they will probably die of COVID: If your liberal kid is going to school, they will definitely get COVID and die. Be sure and have their last will and testament ready to go as well.
-Extra opposite-gender clothing in case they need to switch genders during recess: It’s a great way to get out of kickball.”
Is this satire or really how schools will be run in 2021-22?
The Babylon Bee Presents: A Back-To-School Shopping List For Your Liberal Child
BabylonBee.com, 8/9/21
The day you have dreaded is finally here! It’s time to send your progressive kids into that COVID-infected world of white supremacy known as public school. Will a bully misgender them? Will they meet enough sexual partners? It can be a scary time, but it’s slightly less scary if you’re prepared. Here’s what you should have on your shopping list:
-Extra kleenex in case there are no conservative students nearby to drink their tears: Conservatives are usually walking around with special tumblers for catching delicious liberal tears, but your child should be prepared– just in case they aren’t around.
-Ziplock baggies of Kale: Every good liberal keeps at least a few of these on hand to fuel their rage at heteronormative white supremacy. Be sure to stock up on extra kombucha as well.
-A brown paper bag: This should be used to cover your child’s head if they’re white.
-Bricks and Molotovs for the anti-school-choice protest their teacher is organizing: Make sure your kid is prepared for the most important life skill: protesting!
-A coffin, since they will probably die of COVID: If your liberal kid is going to school, they will definitely get COVID and die. Be sure and have their last will and testament ready to go as well.
-Extra opposite-gender clothing in case they need to switch genders during recess: It’s a great way to get out of kickball.
-Cyanide capsule for if someone tries to give them an opinion they disagree with: If someone expresses a conflicting opinion, it’s game over. Train them to quickly bite down on the capsule and fall over to avoid debate.
-Gasoline and matches in case they ever encounter an American Flag: Or worse… a Tuttle Twins book!
-Set of crayons for drawing inclusivity rainbows: Don’t forget to remove all white crayons.
-A calculator that gives an answer of “5” when you enter “2+2”: Teach your kid to reject western obsession with “correct answers” and decolonize math!
-Extra Plan B pills: Also, be sure to pack a megaphone so they can shout their abortion at recess!
-Spiked mace to crush human skulls with: In case they encounter a Nazi.
-A Tuttle Twins book: For burning.
